RFC 2100 INFORMATIONAL META · HUMOR

The Naming of Hosts

A humorous meditation on the challenge of naming computers

On rfc-editor.org ↗
PUBLISHED
April 1997
AUTHORS
J. Ashworth
STREAM
INDEPENDENT
PUBLICATION DATE
1 April 1997
DOCUMENT TYPE
April Fools joke
DOI
10.17487/RFC2100
ERRATA
Reported errata

RFC text

Contents
Original text · RFC Editor View on rfc-editor.org ↗
Network Working Group                                       J. Ashworth
Request for Comments: 2100                        Ashworth & Associates
Category: Informational                                    1 April 1997


                          The Naming of Hosts

Status of this Memo

   This memo provides information for the Internet community.  This memo
   does not specify an Internet standard of any kind.  Distribution of
   this memo is unlimited.

Introduction

   This RFC is a commentary on the difficulty of deciding upon an
   acceptably distinctive hostname for one's computer, a problem which
   grows in direct proportion to the logarithmically increasing size of
   the Internet.

   Distribution of this memo is unlimited.

   Except to TS Eliot.

   And, for that matter, to David Addison, who hates iambic pentameter.

Poetry

    The Naming of Hosts is a difficult matter,
        It isn't just one of your holiday games;
    You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter
        When I tell you, a host must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.

    First of all, there's the name that the users use daily,
        Such as venus, athena, and cisco, and ames,
    Such as titan or sirius, hobbes or europa--
        All of them sensible everyday names.

    There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter,
        Some for the web pages, some for the flames:
    Such as mercury, phoenix, orion, and charon--
        But all of them sensible everyday names.

    But I tell you, a host needs a name that's particular,
        A name that's peculiar, and more dignified,
    Else how can it keep its home page perpendicular,
        And spread out its data, send pages world wide?

    Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,
        Like lothlorien, pothole, or kobyashi-maru,
    Such as pearly-gates.vatican, or else diplomatic-
        Names that never belong to more than one host.

    But above and beyond there's still one name left over,
        And that is the name that you never will guess;
    The name that no human research can discover--
        But THE NAMESERVER KNOWS, and will us'ually confess.

    When you notice a client in rapt meditation,
        The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
    The code is engaged in a deep consultation
        On the address, the address, the address of its name:

                It's ineffable,
                effable,
                Effanineffable,
                Deep and inscrutable,
                singular
                Name.

Credits

   Thanks to Don Libes, Mark Lottor, and a host of twisted
   individuals^W^Wcreative sysadmins for providing source material for
   this memo, to Andrew Lloyd-Webber, Cameron Mackintosh, and a cast of
   thousands (particularly including Terrance Mann) who drew my
   attention to the necessity, and of course, to Thomas Stearns Eliot,
   for making this all necessary.

References

   [1]  Libes, D., "Choosing a Name for Your Computer", Communications
        of the ACM, Vol. 32, No. 11, Pg. 1289, November 1989.

   [2]  Lottor, M. et al., "Domain Name Survey, Jan 1997",
        namedroppers@internic.net

   [3]  Wong, M. et. al., "Cool Hostnames",
        http://www.seas.upenn.edu/~mengwong/coolhosts.html

   [4]  Stearns, TS, _Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats_.

Security Considerations

   Security issues are not discussed in this memo.

   Particularly the cardiac security of certain famous poets.

Author's Address

   Jay R. Ashworth
   Ashworth & Associates
   Advanced Technology Consulting
   St. Petersburg FL 33709-4819

   Phone: +1 813 790 7592

   EMail:  jra@scfn.thpl.lib.fl.us

AI ELI5

On this page
PROBLEMAs the Internet grows, finding a distinctive hostname for your computer becomes increasingly difficult because good names are already taken.
MECHANISMThis memo, formatted as humorous poetry, explains that every host needs three different names: a practical everyday name, a fancier optional name, and one special mystical name that only the nameserver knows.
A HUMOROUS RFCThe memo is a lighthearted commentary that plays on T.S. Eliot's poem about cats, not a technical specification. It was published on April 1st as a joke.

§1Introduction

This RFC is a humorous commentary on the difficulty of choosing a distinctive hostname for your computer. As the Internet grows exponentially, the problem becomes worse: more computers exist, fewer good names remain available. The memo is addressed to everyone except T.S. Eliot (author of the poem on which it is based) and David Addison (who dislikes a particular poetic meter).

Picking a computer name is hard because the Internet is so big. This memo is a joke about that problem.

§2The Three Names

In poetic form, the memo explains that every host must have three distinct names. First, there is the practical everyday name, such as venus, athena, cisco, or sirius—sensible names that users work with daily. Second, there are fancier names chosen for elegance or specific purposes, such as mercury, phoenix, orion, or charon. Third, and most mysteriously, there is a peculiar name that no human research can discover: the name that only the nameserver knows and will "usually confess." This third name is described as ineffable, effable, and inscrutable.

The poem says computers need an everyday name that people use, a fancier name if you like, and one secret name that the nameserver knows but nobody else does.

§3Credits and References

The memo acknowledges contributions from Don Libes, Mark Lottor, and creative system administrators who provided source material. It credits Andrew Lloyd-Webber and Cameron Mackintosh (the creators of the musical Cats) with inspiring the structure, and T.S. Eliot, whose poem "The Naming of Cats" provided the foundation. The memo references Don Libes' article on choosing computer names, a 1997 domain name survey, and a collection of cool hostnames on the web.

The memo thanks people who gave examples and ideas, and it is based on a famous poem by T.S. Eliot about cats.

§4References

[1]Libes, D., "Choosing a Name for Your Computer", Communications of the ACM, Vol. 32, No. 11, Pg. 1289, November 1989.
[4]Stearns, TS, _Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats_.